please have faith in me :')

well... i know that it is obvious that im not the best daughter that my parents ever had...
but dear mum and dad...
please know that you guys are my everything..

i know sometimes i talk rudely to you..
please know that i didn't mean all the stupid things that i have said... i was too emotional sometimes..
i also know that sometimes i didn't play my role know that i'll do everything as the eldest as you wanted me to...
i don't know how to be your perfect daughter like you dreamed to have...
or.. maybe i know.. but i just don't want to take a chance on that...
sometimes we, the children, just do that you know... just wanna catch your attention actually..

BUT my dearest mum and dad...
please know that i'll do everything for you...

remember the time when you asked me to do some reading before i go play with my cousins?
I really don't want to... i wanna to go out and play with them so badly..
but when i saw your eyes...
half of me know that you are putting a very high hope on me...
( the other half of me was scared to see your furious face of cause... hehe :P )

ok2... more serious this time...

i still remember when you wanted to sent me to MJSC Kota Kinabalu.. a boarding school... one of the best school in Sabah.. a great school...
BUT... did u have any idea on how hard was it for me to leave St Paul..??
any idea on how was my feelings when i have to leave my best friend? Leaving my sporty life and walk into a nerdy life..??
i bet you don't....
all the thing that is important for you is my studies and my future is it..?
its a common things for parents to worried about these things right?
i am not blaming you guys for this... :) i do appreciate all these...

in my school... im not the best student...
i only manage to get 3.5 and above on the second semester of form 2...
2010-2011, i became the vice pres of student council..
i only represent my school in a few competitions like the robofair, maths carnival, basketball games and some other..

i just curious sometimes...
i was wondering did you really thinks its easy to get all these achievement ??
if it is... then maybe it is me that don't deserve to be your daughter..
cause... i need to tell you that it was not that easy for me... Really... i really tried my best to achieve all that..
and... did you know how much i hate to study??
yup... really hate it... i don't like to spend my time to study actually..
study?? no thanks... i prefer doing sports...
i guess you guys don't know this right...
never mind... i know you guys always know whats the best for me... and i trust you with all my heart..
you want me to study hard??? so be it.... i'll do anything for you...
i know its quite late until i realized that i have to take my study seriously...form 2 second semester..
i take 1 year and a half to do so... its that hard for me to change my attitude...
however... once i got 3.5 and above, really the moment that i don't wanna let go..
i was like >> FINALLY!! i got the chance to actually feel like i do belong in that school and half of me finally becoming your dream daughter..
YES... im proud of myself.. but nothing can make me more proud other than making you guys happy with my grades.. i enjoy to the the proud smile on your face... i'll do anything to see that smile...
so... i keep up with my study for the next 3 years and i try hard to focusing more on my study rather than my co-curriculum..

and this year... im going to turn 18... im studying at Taylor's uni with the scholarship that offered by Mara..
and my dearest....
you guys still don't have any faith on me?
am i that bad?
i understand that you were worried of my safety and all that just like the other parents....
but if even my parents didn't trust me... then who will??
i cried for the whole night when i know that you don't trust me..
but now i realized that crying is not gonna change anything...
i promised myself that i'll work hard to prove to you that im already grow up...
 i always be your lil girl..
but this lil girl can take care of herself already... ;)  you don't have to be that worry..
i'll prove it to you... :)
i promised to you that i'll make you proud..
i'll make it up for you..

anything for you mum and dad.. :)