please have faith in me :')

well... i know that it is obvious that im not the best daughter that my parents ever had...
but dear mum and dad...
please know that you guys are my everything..

i know sometimes i talk rudely to you..
please know that i didn't mean all the stupid things that i have said... i was too emotional sometimes..
i also know that sometimes i didn't play my role know that i'll do everything as the eldest as you wanted me to...
i don't know how to be your perfect daughter like you dreamed to have...
or.. maybe i know.. but i just don't want to take a chance on that...
sometimes we, the children, just do that you know... just wanna catch your attention actually..

BUT my dearest mum and dad...
please know that i'll do everything for you...

remember the time when you asked me to do some reading before i go play with my cousins?
I really don't want to... i wanna to go out and play with them so badly..
but when i saw your eyes...
half of me know that you are putting a very high hope on me...
( the other half of me was scared to see your furious face of cause... hehe :P )

ok2... more serious this time...

i still remember when you wanted to sent me to MJSC Kota Kinabalu.. a boarding school... one of the best school in Sabah.. a great school...
BUT... did u have any idea on how hard was it for me to leave St Paul..??
any idea on how was my feelings when i have to leave my best friend? Leaving my sporty life and walk into a nerdy life..??
i bet you don't....
all the thing that is important for you is my studies and my future is it..?
its a common things for parents to worried about these things right?
i am not blaming you guys for this... :) i do appreciate all these...

in my school... im not the best student...
i only manage to get 3.5 and above on the second semester of form 2...
2010-2011, i became the vice pres of student council..
i only represent my school in a few competitions like the robofair, maths carnival, basketball games and some other..

i just curious sometimes...
i was wondering did you really thinks its easy to get all these achievement ??
if it is... then maybe it is me that don't deserve to be your daughter..
cause... i need to tell you that it was not that easy for me... Really... i really tried my best to achieve all that..
and... did you know how much i hate to study??
yup... really hate it... i don't like to spend my time to study actually..
study?? no thanks... i prefer doing sports...
i guess you guys don't know this right...
never mind... i know you guys always know whats the best for me... and i trust you with all my heart..
you want me to study hard??? so be it.... i'll do anything for you...
i know its quite late until i realized that i have to take my study seriously...form 2 second semester..
i take 1 year and a half to do so... its that hard for me to change my attitude...
however... once i got 3.5 and above, really the moment that i don't wanna let go..
i was like >> FINALLY!! i got the chance to actually feel like i do belong in that school and half of me finally becoming your dream daughter..
YES... im proud of myself.. but nothing can make me more proud other than making you guys happy with my grades.. i enjoy to the the proud smile on your face... i'll do anything to see that smile...
so... i keep up with my study for the next 3 years and i try hard to focusing more on my study rather than my co-curriculum..

and this year... im going to turn 18... im studying at Taylor's uni with the scholarship that offered by Mara..
and my dearest....
you guys still don't have any faith on me?
am i that bad?
i understand that you were worried of my safety and all that just like the other parents....
but if even my parents didn't trust me... then who will??
i cried for the whole night when i know that you don't trust me..
but now i realized that crying is not gonna change anything...
i promised myself that i'll work hard to prove to you that im already grow up...
 i always be your lil girl..
but this lil girl can take care of herself already... ;)  you don't have to be that worry..
i'll prove it to you... :)
i promised to you that i'll make you proud..
i'll make it up for you..

anything for you mum and dad.. :)

REALITY :)

When I first heard about the community service that we have to conduct as our Islamic study project, I was very excited. I remember the last time I participated this kind of activity was on 2009. Before we conducted this project, our group first made a group discussion about the project. We decided to conduct this project at Raudatul Ikhwan. This place was a home for the girls aged 16 and below who have lost their parents or have family problem. I was egger to lend a helping hand to these girls.

Around 9 o’clock in the morning, we started our journey to this home. At the beginning of our journey, we already faced some difficulties. The night before we start our journey, we already made some research on the routes and the bus that we will take to get to go the place. However, we faced problem when the bus driver cheated on us. He didn’t drop us on the right place. We have to wait for another bus. It was a long journey before we get to the community house but when we arrived there, seeing the smile on their face, I know it worth it.

The first activity was the ice breaking session. I was so shock to hear that some of them were the form 3 student but they would not take the PMR exam. Besides, some of them already aged 16 years old but still didn’t have the confidence even just to introduce themselves. In my opinion, it is a bad thing. I was informed that they cannot stay in that community house forever. They have to move when they reached 17. I was wondering how are they going to survive in this challenging world if they can’t even speak for themselves. This makes me think how lucky am I to born in a loving family, to be educated since I was a child. I also realized the importance of gaining as much knowledge as we can to secure our future. For me, education is a way to improve ourselves. Nobody in this world can take knowledge from you.

Another thing that makes me appreciate what I have is when I see them having their lunch in a tray. They served us nicely but they, themselves, sharing their lunch in a tray while we were having our lunch in a plate. I was so touch to see how they are willing to sacrifice themselves just to give the priority to us as the guests in their house. I also felt a bit shame that it seems like they were the one who were conducting the community service. I always respect them as they were still applying the moral values in their daily life even if they were in the middle of hardship themselves. They act so differently compared to some rich people who is usually be so proud of themselves and their richness and they never portraying any moral values like respecting others, being polite and also being humble.  

The rest few hours we spend our time playing games with them and sharing our life experiences. We also spend some time teaching them mind maps. I enjoyed watching how excited were them learning mind maps. Besides, I am also happy that we were able to share some knowledge with these kids.

Overall, I am very satisfied with our project. I have learned a lot from this community service project. This project gave us the chance to see the other side of this world. From this project, now I know that not everyone in this world is as lucky as we are. Some of them do not have a place to call home, some of them even starving and crying for food, but us, who have all these things that they don’t, never really appreciate what we have. Sometimes we like to complaint everything that we have is not perfect, not enough or maybe not like what we have expected. From my point of view, this unsatisfied feeling isn’t wrong for us to have, but it is a must for us to appreciate what we have and be thankful to Allah for His Rahmat. Maybe we can use this “unsatisfied feelings” as the booster for us to improve ourselves to be a better person. Either we realize or not, we are actually surrounding by a lot of wonderful thing showing how much Allah love us. It is us that sometimes didn’t take a chance to actually see Allah’s bless for us. 

(have some problem transferring picture during this project. will upload it later)

wait a..... 

I don't know why but while writing this blog I remember of someone telling me that everything happens for a reason. 

This girl > Norfaezah Suhaimi <

 She really believe in this statement. As i go through with this life, i now know that its true. No matter what happened to us ( either it is a good thing or a bad one ) there's a reason for it to happened to us. Sis, i know that biologically, we are not related at all. But please know that for me you already like my big sis that i never had :) . You teach me that no matter how hard the world knock you down, you can always get up back and try harder to succeed. The choice is yours. Always been yours. Your are the only one that can decide. You have proved it Sis, really. I don't have to mentions all the things that you have been through right, you know it yourself. Just wanted you to know that you are really that amazing. Thanks to you, i learned to never give up on myself. I learned to believe that hope is always there when we really DO believe. And here I am, in Taylor's university, taking foundation in science, hoping to further my studies on MBBS (medicine for my degree) , dreaming to become a doctor. Thanks a lot, really. I always keep your words in my mind. Im writing this as an appreciation to you for always be there for me. And I wish all the best for you in your studies too. Hope someday we'll made it to open a clinic together a... hehehe.. :)